The Terminology of Togetherness

Paxmanning. Faux-nogomy. Deja Eww.

Unless we’re a young singleton looking for love in 2020, all of the above probably sounds like a foreign language.

As if trying to keep your finger on the pulse isn’t tough enough already when we’re over the age of 25, without needing to navigate a whole new vocabulary just to understand life outside the bubble of holy matrimony!

But, according to an article I stumbled upon, the way we describe disastrous dates can make light of an embarrassing, disheartening or simply vomit-inducing experience to make us feel better about the ordeal.

This is something I guess we can all understand regardless of our relationship status because, unfortunately, a wedding ring does not perfection make (sigh!).

Further clarity is given when Didier Rappaport of dating app Happn explained that:

“Cultural references & puns feature heavily in the terms that we predict will break through in 2020 to describe some of the dramas of finding love.”

Suddenly it all makes sense – they’re all nods to “young people” pop culture. That’s why my thirtysomething mind that still thinks in 90s references didn’t understand them!

Yet this whole singles’ slang thing is still so exclusive & unrelatable; when we share a home with our other half, the likes having our text messages “ghosted” means jack.

In fact, it might be a good thing if they didn’t reply right away because it might mean they were busy tackling the commonplace Mount Laundry residing in every couples’ bathroom?

Anyone who knows me will know how much I love a good in-joke so this divide pains me by leaving me – and all of us married &/or thirtysomething people – out of the loop.

So, I’ve compiled a list of our own relatable couples’ colloquialisms & a terminology of togetherness that I welcome to everyone band around to make light of our experiences. Because, lord knows, married life can often be even more traumatic than life on the dating scene!


Example: “Do you fancy just zombie-ing instead of going out out night?”

Definition: When both love making an effort but realise it’s not actually necessary because you enjoy time together in your zombie-like state of contentment at home.

Usually in pyjamas & involving a box set binge or with both present zombies working on individual “projects” (i.e. social media &/or gaming!), the act of zombie-ing is almost always happily undertaken in togetherness with zero intent on moving.


Example: “I had the perfect shot framed then they Instarrupted me”

Definition: We’re living our best life & want to take a photo to capture the moment (& probably use it for our blog &/or Instagram – let’s not lie!) but our other half thinks it’s funny to give a two-finger salute to the camera or smush up the delicious meal we’re snapping.

Can also be used in context of “causing an Instarruption” when our direct response to being Instarrupted causes a volcano-like eruption of expletives.


Example: “I’d love a duvet day but we’ve got all that adultmin to be doing”

Definition: The tasks that adults have to content with but hate with a passion, such as setting up direct debits, going to the Post Office & begrudgingly booking annual leave from work for the other half’s cousin’s wedding.

This one can also be adapted further for specific occasions, such as “wedmin” when doing the monotonous wedding planning chores of addressing the invite envelopes & “healthmin” when having to book the routine optician appointments for you both.


Example: “They’ve had a bad day so I’ve just given them space for a bit of Disneying”

Definition: Coined by myself & the wrestlerman regarding the soothing effects that playing Disney Emoji Blitz has on me in stressful times, Disneying is the act of giving ourselves or our spouse a bit of space to compose our thoughts before launching into the caring “do you want to talk about it?/what can I do to help?” routine.


Example: “I have full barbastel-lust even when they have toothpaste down their top & haven’t showered after the gym”

Definition: When we still fancy the pants off our other half even if said pants have loose elastic & have gone a bit grey in the wash, & we will always see them as the most gorgeous creature we ever laid eyes on whatever they actually look like.

Based on the common idiom “blind as a bat”, barbastel-lust indicates that physical changes, hectic schedules & the petty arguments we have over taking out the recycling bins don’t take their toll on our eyes.

That soppy note of eternal love beyond our physicalities is a lovely way to bring Volume One of this new age dictionary to a close.

We all have those everyday irritants caused by our partners & now we have our own glossary to describe them with.

But, lets be honest, we wouldn’t have them any other way; they might Instarrupt us to the point of needing a spot of Disneying, but we couldn’t wish for a more perfect person to zombie our lives together with.

And, FYI, apparently “Paxmanning” means interrogating a date like Jeremy Paxman, “faux-nogomy” refers to someone who says they’re exclusively dating one person but are still playing the field, & “deja eww” occurs when seeing an ex on when swiping through a dating app.

Nope, I wouldn’t have known any of those either – every day is a school day, right!

Mrs Walmsley | The Unseasoned Wag x

(“The Terminology of Togetherness” was first published by Mrs Dani Walmsley for The Unseasoned Wag blog)


  1. I love these – although I have to say that the phrase “living your best life” makes me wince, as does anything Disney past the age of 8. I’ve been zombie-ing for years and lockdown has just ingrained the habit further.


  2. Dating these days is much harder than I ever expected it to be! You would have thought the use of technology and social media would make it easier… nope! I am liking the idea of zombie-ing! Sim – Sim’s Life x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right, it seems just when we get to grips with something new, it all changes again & it can be so alienating. I hope my Terminology of Togetherness is a bit more inclusive & relatable! x


  3. These are great and I can relate to a lot of these, I get instarupted all the time when I’m out and about (or before lockdown at least). We love some good time zombie-ing x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha I love these! I am totally all about the zombie-ing but I can’t count how many times my other half has Instarupted me haha!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve not heard of these before, as someone not into the dating scene… sometimes I feel like a very strange 24-year-old! I’m sure some of my friends may have heard of ‘deja eww’ and ‘faux-nogomy’ though, I’ll have to ask them. The term ‘Paxmanning’ did make me laugh, it’s hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

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