My marriage is loving & trusting with not a single insecurity in sight. Aside from bank balances that could do with being rejuvenated & carpets in desperate need of a good Hinching, we’re not far from that white picket-fence kind of love.
But my relationship with my thoughts? Not so idyllic.
I mean, that Mrs Hinch woman alone brings out my wifestyle insecurities! Am I failing as a wife for not having a trophy home? Does Crater think less of me for not being so in touch with my cleaning products that I give them names? Would he love me more if my job was looking pretty & cleaning up?
Then there are the insecurities I have about my appearance. And my health. And my career. And my friend & family relationships. My tiny – but securely wedded – mind is a constant wave of insecurities.
Am I Insecure?
But what reasons do I have to be insecure? The genuine answer is actually none! And, without sounding like a preachy cult leader or cheesy shopping channel salesperson, neither do you.
Sure, it goes without saying that we all have our faults & we all probably make mistakes on a regular basis but these aren’t cause to feel insecure. These are the things that make us “us”, the things that make us who we are, the things that we should not simply accept but to whole-heartedly embrace.
Self love & gratitude have taught me a lot in recent months &, believe it or not, they’re not too hard a discipline to put into practice in your own life.
I already discussed in a previous self love post why I refer to this stuff as a “discipline” because it does take a degree of practice & effort when we’ve been conditioned to live a modest, grass-is-greener* life of comparison & admiration of everyone but ourselves, but adopting a gratitude attitude of self love is – dare I say it – life changing once you master it.
Forget The Have Nots
Gone are my days of letting my insecurities get the better of me because now instead of fixating on what I don’t have & how much better, wealthier, prettier, funnier, healthier others are, I focus on what I do have & how unique my own character & circumstances are; I might not be the picture of health but I’m still walking, talking, breathing & smiling; I might not be working my dream job but I still work in a job that pays our bills with some amazing friends; I might not be surrounded by loved ones but my small handful of friends & family are the best ones I could ever wish for.
Self love is a completely personal thing &, as it’s the latest media bandwagon, there are a million & one gurus on this discipline with easily Google-able tips (& please don’t be suckered into paying for them – another rant for another day but people shouldn’t be making money off our insecurities!) but I’d like to throw my hat in the ring with my one & only tip. So…
How To Adopt A Gratitude Attitude:
Count Your Blessings
It sounds as patronising as being in a bout of depression & being told to “cheer up”, I know, but this one is actually achievable – trust me. And you don’t even have to do any of the (admittedly cringy) writing of lists or talking to yourself in the mirror.
Count Your Blessings
Instead of being swallowed up by the negativity of having to rely on glasses to see properly, consider all the different looks your poor eyesight has blessed you with by letting you swap & choose between glasses & lenses.
Instead of seeing those 6am dog walks in the rain as a chore, focus on how warm it makes you feel inside when the strangers in the same position bid you good morning or be grateful that your four-legged child playing in muddy puddles is already making you laugh while the rest of the world is still asleep.
It’s a simple rule that can be applied to anything!
We can’t control what life throws at us but what we can control is how we choose to see what gets thrown our way.
Just a little something to think about when you roll your eyes at the overly hyped self love initiative that skeptics write off as being unachievable or tacky.
Dani | Mrs Crater x